Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Special Weekday Greatest Hits: Malfunction Function

Originally Published, Friday, November 12, 2004

Last night, as Shabby and I were attempting to live Full Life at a Trendy Downtown Los Angeles Hotel Rooftop Bar, her Heel suddenly Broke Off her Kate Spade Patent Leather Mary Janes. She insisted it was a Wardrobe Malfunction, ala Janet Jackson's infamous Super Bowl Halftime Spectacular. But I am Pretty Confident that she Planned It. The entire evening, she Hobbled around the Trendy Downtown Los Angeles Hotel Rooftop Bar, like Laura in The Glass Menagerie. I half expected her to pull out a Fragile Glass Unicorn from her Gucci Purse and start Whimpering. Do you know how much Attention a Whimpering Girl With One Designer Shoe, A Glass Pet, And A Limp can get from Really Cute Boys? Lots. It is Disgusting.

As I sat on the banquette, Enviously Watching The Parade Of Handsome Men attempting to Aid a Stumpy Shabby in her Designer Shoe Disaster, the Fabulous Marc Jacobs dress I was wearing Suddenly Popped A Tiny Button At My Cleavage, exposing Half My Breasts. I, too, claimed an Innocent Wardrobe Malfunction. But, Shabby pointed out that my Wardrobe Malfunction was Less Janet Jackson at The Super Bowl, and More Tara Reid at P. Diddy's Birthday Party, minus the Unnerving Implant Scars. Do you know how much attention a Jealous Girl With Her Boobs Half-Hanging Out of Her Button-less, yet Still Fabulous, Designer Dress can get from Really Cute Boys Who Were Originally Interested In A Girl With A Designer Shoe Limp? Lots. We were Super Popular!

And there is Nothing Disgusting About That.

1 comment:

'Mazing Amy said...

HA HA HA HA I LOVE IT!