Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Crashing At My Place

A few Monday Mornings/Afternoons ago, I was diligently Working At My Computer, when I heard a loud SCREECH!!! And then a S H A T T E R.....!! Oh, What do you know?" I said to myself. "Someone had A Car Accident In Front Of My Building! Again!"

I live on the corner of A Busy Los Angeles Intersection, it is true. There is A Traffic Light, however. You would think The Traffic Light would encourage people to Stop when they see The Light Has Turned Red. Unfortunately, this is not the case. At least once a week, there is An Accident. Ironically, it often involves My Vehicle, which I always find Amusing, considering I Am Never In My Vehicle When Said Accident Occurs. Nevertheless, My Car has been Hit no less than Three Times while simply Parked In Front Of My Building, and I am Parked In Front Of My Computer.

This time, thankfully, My Car was Unaffected. But, My Crazy Upstairs Neighbor's car was instead. So a few minutes after I heard the SCREECH and the S H A T T E R, there was a knock at my door. This is what I get for being Friendly, Helpful, and Someone Who Works From Home On Mondays.

Still in My Purple NYU Pajama Bottoms and Matching Purple Cami, I let My Crazy Upstairs Neighbor borrow my phone to call AAA. My Crazy Neighbor, you should know, is in his 50's and Talks A Lot. Yes, even More Than Me. Also, he collects vinyl. In fact, he owns So Many Records that he was required by our landlord to rent a special closet in the downstairs laundry room to hold them all so as not to create a fire hazard in his apartment. Also, he drives A 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit. That he drives Very Slowly. Once, I got stuck behind him on Santa Monica Boulevard. He drove Two Miles An Hour. Crazy Upstairs Neighbor needed to Borrow My Phone because he told me He Didn't Own One, which I found a bit hard to believe, considering He Had One Attached To His Belt. This reminded me of the time, I incorrectly received his Gay Cruise Line Brochure in my mailbox and when I went to give it to him, he claimed He Didn't Get Mail, even though The Envelope was clearly Addressed To Him and Marked, "Here is The Gay Cruise Line Brochure You, Mr. Crazy U. Neighbor, Requested!!"

Now, I understand that it may have seemed like I was Not Working Very Hard, since it was Nearly 12 Noon and I was Sitting In Front Of My Computer, Still Wearing My Pajamas. But, I was actually working Very Hard! I was Returning Phone Calls! I was to Following Up On Some Contracts! I was Booking Classes! Oh -- and I was reading All About The Lindsey Lohan/Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie/Jessica Simpson Fight at Hyde on Defamer. So, I was Procrastinating, too. But, I was Procrastinating Very Diligently! I am An Expert Procrastinator, you see. I work Very Very Hard at Procrastinating!

Unfortunately, Crazy Upstairs Neighbor thought I was just Lounging Around. So, after he asked to Borrow My Phone, Crazy Upstairs Neighbor figured he would just Hang Out until The Tow Truck arrived and Talk My Ear Off about What A Horrible Thing Had Just Occurred To His 1983 Volkswagen Rabbit That He Drives Two Miles An Hour. Did you know he Just Had It Washed Two Weeks Ago? Did you know It Is The Only Year And Model Of Volkswagen Rabbit he will drive? Did you know He Just Returned From A Vacation In Sonoma With His Mother? Well, Now You Do. Welcome to The Exciting World of Crazy Upstairs Neighbor (And His Mother)! His Stories seemed like They Would Never Ever End.

Gratefully, The Tow Truck arrived within 30 Minutes, as promised, and Crazy Upstairs Neighbor was on his way. And I was finally able to Get Back To My Hard Work. I Returned Phone Calls! I Followed Up On Some Contracts! And I Booked Classes!

And, most importantly, I finally finished reading All About That Lindsey Lohan/Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie/Jessica Simpson Fight at Hyde on Defamer, too.


Michael said...

Even though your neighbor has no phone, no car, too much vinyl and supposedly no mail, I envy him.

He got to see you in your Purple NYU Pajama Bottoms and Matching Purple Cami.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps you can share with Crazy Upstairs Neighbor that there is a NEW VW Rabbit that he should invest in...http://www.vwfeatures.com/rabbit.html