Thursday, April 06, 2006

Dear Daily Randi: Leg Up

It's Thursday and that means it is The Daily Randi Advice Day! Keep those e-mails coming and please remember, I have no idea what I am talking about........

Dear The Daily Randi:

Leggings. They say they are Making A Comeback. What do You think?

A Potential Fashion Victim

Dear PFV:

Yes. I have heard The News, too: Leggings are indeed Making A Comeback. Everything Old will be New Again some day, after all. Well, according to Vogue, that is.

Unfortunately, The Leggings Are Back Phenomena falls right into My Very Well Researched And Finely Developed Theory: One Must Not Wear A Fashion If One Remembers Wearing The Said Fashion The First Time It Came Around. For example, I Am Not Permitted To Wear Legwarmers because I Wore Them In Eighth Grade. For this same reason, I Am Unable To Pull Off Feathered Hair. Also, I Am Not Able To Don Anything Having To Do With Old School Madonna Fashion. This, unfortunately is The Category Leggings falls into.

When I was in College, I was All Over Leggings. Leggings Were Amazing --They could pull An Entire Outfit Together in a flash! I wore Leggings under Everything! A Dress? Leggings! A Skirt? Leggings! A Big Baggy Sweater? Leggings! Leggings, Leggings, Leggings! I Loved Leggings! And, when I didn't have any Leggings To Wear, I would just Cut The Feet Off Of My Dance Tights and Work Those instead. Even More Leggings! Leggings totally fit into My Artsy Fartsy College Vibe.

Now that they are Making A Comeback, I see The Folly Of It All: Who needs Leggings when one has Actual Legs? The Answer is Nobody. Well, Nobody unless, of course, you Have No Legs. Some people Don't Have Legs, you see, and to them I say Go For It! And this fits right into My Latest Very Well Researched And Finely Developed Theory: If One Is Sans Legs, Then One Should Absolutely Advocate The Wearing Of Leggings. Mostly, because Leggings will make you look like you Actually Have Legs! This is Terrific News for Legless People Everywhere!

Unfortunately, for The Rest Of Us, Leggings will just make you Look Old, Washed Up, And Fat. So, Dear Reader, My Advice is to Stay Far Away.

The Daily Randi

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