Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Pudding and Pie

Last week, The Cutest Boy Ever Hung Up The Phone On Me. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you Why He Hung Up On Me. I think it had something to do with me Talking Too Much. Which is Ironic because The Cutest Boy Ever won't Shut Up himself. We are Two Peas In A Pod that way.

Five minutes later, he called back. But, by now I was Crying. Honestly, I couldn't even tell you Why I Was Crying. I think it had something to do with Me Being Angry At Myself For Even Letting Myself Be Angry At The Cutest Boy Ever Because I Know He Should Be Out Of My Life But I Keep Letting Him Back In And I Really Need To Grow A Backbone Or At Least Meet A Nice, New, Normal Guy So I Can Fufill My Lifelong Dream Of Living In A House In Calabasas Or Pacific Palisades With A Husband And Two Babies And A Dog And A Cute Little Garden And An Even Cuter Gardner. But, because I was Crying, once again, He Hung Up On Me.

Tonight, The Cutest Boy Ever finally Called For The First Time since Our Fight. He gave me A Long Explanation For The Previous Week's Behavior which, um, I think involved Working Too Much and Being A Complete Asshole and Really Liking Me. But, then, after Apologizing, he asked, "You are not going to Cry again, are you?"

"No," I replied. Although, secretly, I was On The Verge Of Tears Due His Unexpected Sweetness.

"Good," he said. "Because if you did, that would be Gnarly. You would be The Third Girl Who Cried This Month."

"Who were The Other Two?" I asked, perplexed.

"It doesn't matter,” he returned.

"Yes, it does. Why won't you tell me?" I responded.

"It is None Of Your Business," he sneered.

"Well, did you ever think that maybe The Reason We Girls Are Crying Is Because You Are Making Us Cry? Maybe It Is You! Maybe it is You and your Stupid "Gnarly" Behavior! Maybe you are just A Modern Day Georgie-Peorgie! Now tell me, who are these Other Crying Girls?"

"I AM NOT MAKING GIRLS CRY!" he screamed just before He Hung Up On Me. Incidentally, It was The Third Time this month This Boy Had Hung Up On Me. And, also, The Third Time This Month This Boy had left me Crying.

And, at least The Millionth Time This Year when I realized, Damn. At this rate, I am never going to get That Cute Little Garden.

Nor, The Even Cuter Gardner to go with it.

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