Keep The Carving Knife Far Away From Me

Today, My MOM is coming to visit me for An Entire Week. I would like to say I was Excited, but unfortunately, My MOM can be A Little Hard To Handle. Somehow, My Easily Annoyed Sister weaseled her way out of the task of Picking Her Up at the airport, leaving me with The Job. So, yesterday afternoon, My Mother phoned me to give me The Details Of Her Flight.

"MY FLIGHT GETS IN AT 1:30PM DON'T BE LATE AND I WILL HAVE TO EAT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE I AM DIABETIC AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO FIGHT WITH ME ABOUT IT BECAUSE I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I WILL DIE SOME DAY AND THEN YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED BUT THAT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT IS YOURS BECAUSE YOU ARE WAY TOO PICKY AND IMMATURE FOR YOUR AGE AND ALL THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE MARRIED WITH KIDS THEIR PARENTS MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT WHERE DID YOU GO WRONG I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AND YOUR EASILY ANNOYED SISTER JUST DON'T BE LATE LEAVE PLENTY OF TIME DRIVE CAREFULLY I DON'T TRUST YOU DRIVING YOU WILL HAVE AN ACCIDENT I LOVE YOU!!!"

It is going to be a Really Great Holiday. Happy Thanksgiving!