Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Degree of Difficulty

Yesterday, I wrote about a book I (Secretly) Read called, "Find A Husband After The Age Of 35, Using What I Learned From My Harvard MBA Degree." In the book, The Author essentially applies her Marketing Knowledge to The Search For Eligible Men. Inspired by her Unique Method Of Putting Her Much Sought After and Expensive Degree To Work, I have decided to apply my Equally Overpriced and Desirable Degree to the Same Matter. Please Enjoy.

How To Find A Husband After The Age Of 34 1/2 Using What I Learned From My BFA In Acting From New York University's Tisch School Of The Arts:

1. Treat each New Date like you would an Audition -- always Be Prepared, Dress Appropriately, and Know What Part You Are Up For. (Or Against.)

2. Always Enunciate and Speak Clearly so that People Can Hear You, even if they are sitting Very Far Away.

3. You Need To Lose Weight.

4. Dating Only One Man can be Risky, so you really should consider having a Safer Choice to "Fall Back On."

5. If you Have Your Boobs Done, you will Never Be Taken Seriously. Unless you are Gorgeous, Book A Recurring Soap Opera Role, and/or Sleep With The Professor/Bitter Unemployed Actor Teaching The Class.

6. If the City Never Sleeps, neither should You, which means Extra Hours to Meet Mr. Right!

7. Stella Adler Never would have done it like that. *

*Very Very Inside NYU TSOA/Theatre Joke.

8. Getting High In A Nightclub Bathroom With Strangers can be a Wonderful Opportunity to Meet Single Eligible Men with Common Interests!

9. Be Prepared To Never Ever Find Any Man To Marry You, which is really Your Own Fault, very few people Actually Succeed, the odds are Not In Your Favor, you should have been Pre-Med.

10. Under Certain Circumstances, Tap Dancing May be considered a Special Skill.

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