For Green.

I get asked This Question all the time:

“The Daily Randi, How did you and Totally Awesome Fiancé meet?”

Well, one would think that Readers of The Daily Randi would remember A Time when I was Crazy and Single. The Stories were a lot More Exciting back in The Day. But, Newer Readers may not realize this. And so I Shall Answer The Question.

This is The Story of How I Me Totally Awesome Fiancé:

Back in December of 2005, I received An Awful Postcard, randomly mailed to Single Jewish Woman throughout Los Angeles. It read something like, “Isn’t it time that you had a baby? You are getting Really Old! Give yourself An Amazing Hanukkah Present! Single Jewish Male seeks Jewish Female to have his baby.” I am Paraphrasing, but that is The Gist of it. The card even featured A Photograph Of An Adorable, Probably Not Jewish, Baby. Ugh. It was Awful. Who wants to receive A Postcard like that around The Holidays? Not Me! I Wrote A Post about It and How Horrible It Was. It turned out, A Professional Shofar Blower bought our names from The Census or something. I wonder if anyone took him up on The Offer.

Future First Husband, A Boy I briefly dated, read My Post and told me that Another Girl Had Received This Postcard and Blogged About It, Too! He sent me The Link to The Story, written by Superjux Hilary. I read Her Post. And then I read Every Other Post She Had Ever Written because she seemed to Live Down My Block. She wrote about The Same Supermarket and Street Noise! I started Sending her E-mails until She Made Me Her Blogger Friend. She was hosting A Get Together for Other Los Angeles Bloggers at a bar in Hollywood. I begged her to Let Invite Me, also! And so she Did.

I was supposed to Attend The Blogger Get Together with ‘Mazing Amy. But she got Sick and couldn’t go. So, I went By Myself. That night, I met Lots Of Bloggers. Some Of The Girls were Mean To Me. One of them came up to me and said, “Sweetie, Your Breasts are about to Fall Out Of Your Dress.” She claimed she Meant Well, but I Know Girl Bitchery when I Hear It. Besides, The Whole Breast Falling Out Thing Was The Point. One of The Boys there mentioned he went to Columbia University and I told him, “Easily Annoyed Sister went to Columbia! I went to NYU.” And then I found out he was from Long Island! Right near Where I Grew Up! I went to camp with His Sister! We had All This Crazy Stuff in common.

I excused myself to go to The Bathroom. I wanted to meet people, Make Friends. But, I found myself thinking about This Boy while I was Sitting On The Toilet. I had this Crazy feeling that he was going to be Important. A Very Important Person in my life. There was some sort of Innate Connection. I can’t explain this feeling to this day. But, I swear, I Felt It.

I went back out and rejoined The Party. I talked to some other people. That Boy came up to me and asked me for The Name Of My Blog. I wrote it down for him on A Book Of Matches.

I never once thought He Wouldn’t Call. I knew He Would. I knew he would Ask Me Out. He went to My Site. He E-mailed Me. He Called when I gave him My Phone Number. It all happened The Way It Should. There was never any Worry. Or Wondering.

That Boy was Totally Awesome New Boy. And then he became Totally Awesome Boyfriend. He has been Totally Awesome Fiancé for a while.

In less than 48 Hours, he will be Totally Awesome Husband. That Blogger Get Together was The Best Party I Ever Went To.

Well, I have Our Wedding on Thursday. I expect The Wedding to Top That Night.

And I have This Crazy feeling: The Rest Of My Life will be Absolutely Wonderful.

Ah, Sundays.

Friday, we had A New Cleaning Lady come in and Clean for us. She did An Amazing Job. And I think we may have found someone Who Cleans And Doesn’t Steal, which is A Big Relief. Three months is Way Too Long to go without A Dusting around here and A Fear Of Disappearing Scotch. Ah, Fresh Scents.

Friday, I also completed making All Of My Stupid Favors. All I have left to do now is to Create The Set Up for My Stupid Escort Cards. I am counting on this being Easy, although I am really just going on A Vision Of What I Would Like It All To Look Like In The End. Hopefully, I will get it done Tomorrow, before I have Nails put on. I would hate to Ruin My Nails. Wait – did I just say something about Not Ruining My Nails? Ah, Statements I Have Never Uttered Before In My Life.

Saturday afternoon, after putting together The Buffet, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I decided to Break Out of Our Restaurant Rut and Try Something New. We always pass This Tapas And Wine Place down the street from us. I suggested, “Let’s Try It!” Guess what? It was Delicious! I can’t believe we have lived here for Over A Year and never ventured in before. We ate Tasty Tapas and Marveled At The Marathon. Ah, Breaking Out Of The Routine.

Today, I had to go to Say It Don’t Spray It Nanette’s Baby Shower! I say Had because I really don’t care for Showers or Babies. But, I do like Nanette! This one was Fun because JustJenn was one of The Co-Hosts! They had a Cereal Bar! And Cupcakes! And, thanfully, nobody made me Hold Their Baby. I hate when people ask me, “Do you want to Hold The Baby?” Because I really Don’t, Thank You. But, I can’t say that, because I don’t want to Insult The Baby Passer Offer. So, I say, “Of course! I would Love To Hold Your Baby!” And then they Hand Me The Baby. And then I get stuck Holding it. For Like, Forever. And I find myself wondering, “How Long Do I Have To Hold This Stupid Baby?” I Hate That. Also, they didn’t make us play any of Those Awful Shower Games. Although, I happen to be A Pro at that Baby Food Tasting Guessing Game. I guess I have The Palate for it. They just made us Eat Delicious Adult Food and Stuff. So that was Okay. Ah, Sundays.

This Post Is Very Revealing.

You shouldn’t try and Throw Me A Surprise Party. I can figure Those Sort Of Things Out, you know. When I was in high school, My MOM tried to Throw Me A Surprise Party for my eighteenth birthday. Trouble is, she left The Invitations right near the spot where I took my contact lenses out each night. I noticed the drugstore bag and picked it up. Inside were Just Purchased Invitations To A Surprise Birthday Party. “A Birthday Party?” I thought. The only Birthday coming up that I could think of was My Own.

“Mom?” I called out. “What are These?”

My MOM came into the kitchen where I was standing and found me holding The Drugstore Bag. Not knowing I had already peeked inside, she grabbed The Bag from me and shouted, “DON’T OPEN THAT!!! IT HAS MY BIRTH CONTROL DEVICES!!!!”

Um…Okay. So, she was A Bad Liar.

The Worst Part of that situation was that I Knew About The Surprise Party before Anyone Else Did. That meant I had to go along with My Friends pretending Nothing Was Being Planned In My Honor. I didn’t really understand The Point Of Still Trying To Make The Whole Thing A Surprise. But, I guess My MOM was determined to Throw Me A Surprise Party whether I Knew About it or Not. She is Crazy! No Surprise There.

What was Surprising was when Totally Awesome Fiancé and I walked into The Slackmistress’s and BeTheBoy’s Apartment for A Brunch We Had Been Invited To This Morning and found All My Friends sitting there. “Wow,” I thought. “I didn’t know The Slackmistress knew some of My Friends! What A Small World!”

And then I realized….

Surprise! It was A Bridal Shower For Me!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!

There were Delicious Cupcakes! And Mimosas! And Presents! And Superjux Hilary and Say It Don’t Spray It Nanette were there, too! Did I mention The Mimosas??!!

The Funny Part is, Before We Left, I was in the bathroom getting ready when I had A Crazy Thought. “What if This Brunch was some sort of Surprise Shower in Our Honor?” I called out to Totally Awesome Fiancé with this Idea and he immediately Squashed It.

“Um, I don’t think so,” he said. He used a tone that sounded like He Was Annoyed At Me For Even Having Such A Self-Centered Thought. Little did I know, he was Pretending The Entire Time!

So, The Biggest Surprise today was finding out Totally Awesome Fiancé was Such A Good Liar!

Pssst: Let’s hope he never finds out The Same Thing About Me.

Thank you for My Surprise Shower, Slackmistress, Betheboy, and Daisy The Wonder Dog!

The Pitch Meeting.

TOTALLY AWESOME FIANCE: So? What are you going to Blog About today?

THE DAILY RANDI: Oh, yeah. We’re Blogging Every Day, aren’t we. Shit.

TAF: I know. Shit. It’s almost twelve. What are you writing about tonight?

TDR: I don’t know. Oh, yeah! I was going to write about Your Friend’s Cocktail Party! You know, and how now that he has A Girlfriend, he shops at Whole Foods rather than 7-11.

TAF: Huh. I was going to write about that.

TDR: Ohhh. You were?

TAF: I was going to write about The Whole Food Thing, but then I was going to divert into my party behavior before I met you and How You Got Me Shopping At Fancy Whole Foods, too.

TDR: (Thinking. After a moment.) Okay. You can have That One. I’ll just write about The Rat That Was Under The Sofa Last Night.

TAF: You’re going to write about That?

TDR: Don’t be So Alarmed! I will explain it was A Freak Occurrence and that The Rat just Snuck In The Front Door Somehow because We Left The Front Door Open and The Rat Under The Sofa Last Night had absolutely Nothing to do with The Housekeeper Stealing The Scotch And The House Not Being Cleaned In Over Two Months. Nor did it have anything to do with How You Hum The Theme To The Odd Couple All The Time because you think I’m Messy and I Leave My Flip Flops Everywhere.

TAF: Well, I think I should write about The Rat instead.

TDR: You? Why?! My Story is Funny!

TAF: Yeah, but I was There! I battled The Rat! I looked The Rat in The Eye! You merely hid in The Bedroom!

TDR: You told me to Hide In The Bedroom!

TAF: I was There, Man! ¡¡La Rata!!

TDR: Yes, but look at it from where I’m Coming From… I was stuck in The Bedroom, forced to listen to you scream, “Oh SHIT!” several times. You kept calling out, “It’s Okay! Things are under Control! Don’t Worry!” Which made me Totally Worry! I heard things clanging around. Then, when you announced The Rat Ran Outside, I came out of The Bedroom to find Our Sofa Overturned, My Good Candy Dish Broken, and A Carving Knife Stabbed Into A Pillow. Now, THAT’S Blog Material!

TAF: I’m Writing It. So, Too Bad. Our Overlapping Readers will just have to read it Twice.

TDR: That’s Stupid.

TAF: Whatever.

TDR: Good.

(After A Beat.)

TDR: I wonder What Other Couples Talk About? You know, like Ones Who Don't Blog.

TAF:Huh. I don't know...I’m Blogging That!!

TDR: Not if I Do It First.

JustTheDailyRandi.

See These?

I'm Crafty!

These are Flowers. Made out of Paper. I am making them for My Wedding! The Leaf will tell people What Table They Are Sitting At. These were just Practice, to figure out Size and Level Of Crafting Difficulty. I am going with The Smaller Flower that you see there. Our Wedding is Outdoors, and I am doing A Sort Of Midsummer Nights Dream-1930’s-Vintagey-Art Nouveau sort of thing. So, I think These Flower Escort Cards will be Perfect For My Wedding. Aren’t they Pretty?

Too bad they take Freaking Forever To Make Each One. I bought A Paper Flower Making Kit from A Los Angeles Paper Area Store. Then, I reduced the size of the template that was included with the kit. I cut out all the leaves. And then The Instructions tell you to Glue All The Stupid Leaves On! That’s where The Freaking Forever Part came in. Today, I went back to The Los Angeles Area Paper Store to get Paper That Better Matched My Wedding Colors and to Complain About How Long It Took For Me To Make Each Flower and someone else was working and she told me to Just Use Permanent Double Stick Tape instead of Glue. I didn’t even know they made Such A Thing as Permanent Double Stick Tape, but that shouldn’t be Too Surprising because up until last week, I didn’t know there was Such Thing As A Paper Flower, either. I am hoping that Our Guests will like The Flowers So Much, they will want to Save Them and/or Wear Them At The Wedding, so I am going to Find A Way To Attach A Pin To The Back Of Each One. I always have A Pretty Flower In My Hair or Pinned To My Shirt! I wrote to JustJenn for Crafty Advice and she suggested using Ball Top Pins, like the kind you get with A Real Corsage. Since JustJenn is like The Martha Stewart Of Real Life, I will probably take Her Advice.

These Stems will be Shorter and will get A Pin!

I’ve Got Flower Making Fever!

Ah, Sundays.

On Sundays, I go Grocery Shopping. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I have An Agreement: He takes me Out For Dinner; I Purchase Groceries. I like to make Totally Awesome Fiancé go with me. I tell him it is because I Like The Company, but really it is just because I can send him On Quests For Things On The Shopping List and make the grocery shopping chore go faster. Often, he comes back with Things that are Not On The List, just like a little boy would and I make him Put Them Back. And I like that, too. Ah, Adorable Fiancés.

Is the Pork Pie Hat the new Trucker Hat? Ugh. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I were enjoying Delicious Glasses Of Wine in A Popular Venice Bar this afternoon and we saw So Many Stupid Pork Pie Hats that we Made Up A New Game where The First Person To Spot The Pork Pie Hat As The Hipsters Entered The Bar Got A Point And Had To Drink. I Won. Alas, Bragging Rights were Not Involved. Ah, Drinking Games.

We rode Our Bikes today. Ah, Summer.

Last night, Totally Awesome Fiancé and I came home from The Movies and decided to Say Hi to The Slackmistress and Be The Boy on their Weekly Video Web Show Thing. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I sat across from each other on our computers and Chatted in some sort of Online Thing. I suppose we could have Just Talked To Each Other, but who needs Each Other when you have Technology? Ah, Computers.

After yesterday’s Flip-Flop Purchase, I now officially own Nine Pairs Of Flip-Flops. Ah, Shoes.

All my plants on my patio are Dying. Ah, Brown Thumbs.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow, mostly because I Have To Work and I am in Full On Summer Mode. Ah, Sundays.

And The Daily Randi Contest Winner Is…

It's Official! The Winner of The Daily Randi What Special Item Did I Get Totally Awesome Fiancé For His Birthday Contest is:


Will, of Be The Boy Fame.

Will Correctly Guessed that I got Totally Awesome Fiancé A Carvel Ice Cream Cake for his birthday. There is A Carvel Ice Cream Store in West Los Angeles, so I went there and Ordered It. I had it made with A Picture Of Totally Awesome Fiancé as A Baby because The Picture looks Just Like Him Now As A Forty Year Old. The Cake was D For Delicious and just as I Remembered Carvel Ice Cream Cakes tasting! I think Those Crunchy Chocolate Things are Super Duper. Growing up, Birthday Cake meant Carvel. There were No Other Alternatives. In fact, I remember seeing Movies with Kids’ Birthdays being depicted and when they had Regular Old Cake, I would think, “Why don’t they have An Ice Cream Cake?!” Regular Old Cake seemed like A Big Bummy Bore. By the way, The Carvel Ice Cream Store lost The Picture I Gave Them Of Totally Awesome Fiancé As A Baby. They claimed to have “forgotten the picture in the copier machine.” Whatever That Means.

As The Official Winner of The Daily Randi What Special Item Did I Get Totally Awesome Fiancé For His Birthday Contest, Will wins A Post Devoted To Him. Here it goes…

Will used to write Be The Boy. Except Be The Boy is Defunct now, so don't bother Clicking On The Link. He claimed he left it to Pursue Things Other Than Blogging. But, then he started writing A New Blog, something about Music. I am not A Big Music Blog Person, so I don’t read it often. I read lots of Food Blogs, though, because I Heart Eating Out And Not Cooking. Unfortunately, Will does not write about Food, too often. Will, write about Food!

Will is married to Nina of The Slackmistress, A Blog I read Often. Totally Awesome Fiancé and I have met Will and Nina in Real Life! And they met Just Like Us – because They Both Write Blogs! Even Crazier – Will Is From Long Island!! That is Where Totally Awesome Fiancé and I are From, too! Also, Will is A Big Mets Fan and Hates The Yankees. Let’s Go Will!

Recently, Will had his Appendix removed.

Finally, here is A Picture of Me with Nina and Will at Totally Awesome Fiancé’s 40th Birthday Party last Tuesday:

That's Nina, Me, and Will, The Winner of The Daily Randi What Special Item Did I Get Totally Awesome Fiancé For His Birthday Contest!

And here is A Picture Of Said D For Delicious Carvel Ice Cream Cake:

Not Cookie Puss, but Just As Cute!

(And, Northern Southerner, you are Correct – Carvel started in Westchester. But, they are All Over Long Island. Sorry if that Threw You off. Just in case you feel this was Terribly Unfair, I will say something Nice about Northern Southerner: He really Loves The Mets, too, and lives Somewhere in Florida! Let’s Go Northern Southerner! )

Thanks for Playing!